- Write your goals, dreams and desire every morning. Get a notebook and write everything you want in life especially when you are down. Shift your focus immediately to writing these dreams. The more you write, the more you will have an idea about what you want in life or a partner. Do not write about marrying a specific person. Just write qualities and how they will be like with you: romantic, kind, loving, caring, etc. Then all your dreams will eventually come true as long as you believe they will.
2. Work on self-love, self-respect and self-esteem. Self-love not eating the food that is bad for you and is going to the gym regularly even when you don’t feel like going. You exercise self control because you love your body and you make sure it stays healthy and fit. Exercise can be walking for 30 mins, going up and down on stairs or simply jogging. I tell people to go to the gym and just try equipment every day for 30 days. If they can do it for 30 days, they will start to see some results. Anything in life is about practice doing the same thing many times. Weight loss is achieved the same way. Many people lack self esteem because they are over-weight. Some use medical issues as an excuse not to exercise when losing weight can reverse some of their medical issues. Some finds comfort in food. Some eat a lot in private but don’t eat in front of others pretending that they don’t eat much. When you love yourself, you don’t over-eat or allow anything that is bad for your body. You don’t let anyone disrespect you. Your self esteem also grows. The more you love yourself, they more you’ll be kind to yourself. Therefore taking care of your body should be the first step to gain self esteem. Learn to love yourself -the good, the bad, the lazy, the angry, the ugly, etc. The more you are kind to yourself, the higher your confidence will be The more you respect yourself, the less others will dare to hurt you. Say “I love you” to yourself several times a day. Also give yourself a hug. Very soon you won’t be attracted to anyone who will try to hurt you. You’ll also feel so good about your body that you will feel sexy. Feeling sexy is a great feeling!
3. You look your best now and you are beautiful although you may not like the way you look now. 10, 20, 30 years later, you will look at your current pics, and think you looked really good in your mid 20’s and wonder why you thought you were not beautiful. You’re fabulous in your own way. Everyone is special in their own way. This is why the world is beautiful and there’s a place for everyone. Learn accept the beauty in you at 25 with as no wrinkle, double chin or eye problem. Your skin was smooth and wrinkle free. You looked youthful and no amount of cosmetic surgery will bring back that look. Therefore let go of all insecurities about your look and feel good about it now than when you are older. Take as many pics as you can to make them memorable. Be kind to yourself if you want to be in a healthy relationship with healthy boundaries and unconditional love. Have fun! Enjoy being young and free! Also don’t forget to wear sun block now and also exercise if you want to look good in your 30’s.
4. Be open to making mistakes now. Failure is actually the secret to success. The more mistakes you make, the more successful you’ll be. It’s better to fall now and learn than in your mid 30’s or 40. You’re young to get up and start again. You also have the energy. You can sleep on a couch now and will be perfectly ok. You don’t have much expenses. This is the time to make mistakes. Make sure to learn from your failure unless you wanna go through several cycles of repeated failures. Then you’ll be angry and bitter. Therefore after every failure and breakup, analyze what went wrong and how you can do better. Then never repeat the same mistakes.
5. If someone is really into you, they will think about marrying you from day 1. They won’t tell you immediately but they will feel it. Love is a journey but most long lasting relationships will tell you they felt something when they met and that kept them stayed even when going seemed tough. If you feel it, and the person still doesn’t do anything, then accept it and find someone who’s equally into you. Leave unless you want to feed their narcissist mind with your attention. They are just leeches who’ll suck the life out of you and will send you to abyss of darkness.
Run from them as soon as they start playing mind games with you. Someone who truly likes you won’t play games. Even a player will stop playing or making silly excuses not to see you. They won’t text back a week later but will be contacting you several times a day to make sure they’re in your mind. If your date is not obsessing over you after the first date, drop them immediately because the person isn’t really into you and juggling other people at the same time. Love yourself enough to believe that you deserve better.
6. Everyone comes in life for a reason, season or lifetime. Your family is lifetime. High school or college friends and coworkers are either for season or lifetime. The sooner you label people in terms of reason or season, you will feel less loss and pain. Some relationships are for reason or season to teach you something. If you don’t learn the first time, you’ll meet another similar person with a different name and face to go through the same experience again and again until you pause to figure out why. Therefore constantly analyze your relationship after a breakup to eventually find someone better and different.
7. Don’t fall in love with the concept of love. Real life is not like a romantic movie where love conquers all. One day you’ll meet someone special to you even when everyone around you won’t think of them as highly. In the beginning, you will feel butterflies and think of all those romantic movies and remember famous love songs and want to believe that you have found the one. If you ignore all red flags and are not logical, you will either end up with a broken heart or a messy divorce. Pay attention to what others say about that person and keep it in mind. Love is blind but one day you’ll open your eyes and can heal from these cautionary words.
While you’re with them, hold back from falling in love too soon or making your world revolve around them. Maintain a separate life. Make time for your friends. You’ll need them when you break up or get married. Therefore do not abandon friends for your special someone. Spend time to get to know this person by allowing them to talk and not you doing all the talking. Learn who they are without snooping on them but by letting them show their true colors. Get to know them for who they are and not what you want to see or hear. Learn to be a good listener for a better relationship. For each text you send, practice patience before you see the reply. Also wait to reply. Match their pace.
8. Love hurts not because of rejection or heartbreak but because the seemingly broken dream associated with it. You assumed you’d build your dream life with that person and invested more than them into the relationship. Therefore the other person took you for granted. Adopt this attitude that the right person will stay with you no matter what and the wrong person did you a favor by saying no or leaving you. Therefore instead of crying or begging, pick yourself up and move on. Focus on enjoying your own company. Exercise. Every time you feel depressed or stressed, go for a walk or jog. Lift weight too. Work on your finance. Build a life as it you don’t need anyone to complete you and you can be a whole person. Remember two halves cannot make anyone whole or happy. It’s the two wholes that make each other fulfilled. Exercise will help you look and feel good too. Then you’ll find the person who’s a right fit for you. Eventually you’ll get to see that other person wasn’t good enough for you and you would’ve settled.
9. Love is not all about self-sacrificing and one sided giving but equal giving and taking. True love shouldn’t hurt but is not annoyance free. You’ll be annoyed sometime but never feel hurt by them. When someone truly loves you, they won’t hurt you. True love will never make you wait to be with them. Accept this truth with no exception. There is no exception. Analyse every day whether efforts are equal energetically. If not, take a step back. Let that person to come to you and out the same energy. Put your focus on to something else. Exercise. Study. work. Read a journal. Write a journal. Spend time with family and friends. If it still feels unbalanced in energy matching with the other person, tell them how you feel. Learn to express yourself. Don’t hold back or hide your emotion. Make it a habit to address any discomfort in the relationship right away. If the other person gets defensive, screams or vanishes, they are not a good partner for you and are too immature and damaged to be a in a healthy relationship. Then analyze what attracted you to that person and what you dislike.
If they are still not making efforts to be their best version or making your life better, move on. If you see the pattern again in the new person, stop dating for 6 months to heal your childhood issues with your emotionally unavailable parents. See a therapist if possible and it is perfectly normal. Look at the mirror twice a day and say to your reflection, “I love you.” Every time you feel lonely, give yourself a hug and say “I love you no matter what.” Accept yourself 100% while working on becoming your best version. Surround yourself with positive people and distance yourself from the people who make fun of you or belittle you in front of others. Write to them without lashing out and tell them you do not wish to socialize with them anymore. If they make substantial efforts to be in your life, then let them in and never bring up the past. Forgive everyone. Chant “forgive” every time you feel the pain. Forgive yourself for all your mistakes especially trying hard to seek love from emotionally unavailable people.
10. Anytime you find yourself in a third party situation, immediately run, walk away or fly high. Believe that no one is worthy enough for you if they are already in a relationship with someone else. There are plenty of other and most like better fish in the sea for you to find. If someone leaves you for someone else, don’t fight to be in the third party. Let them go to make room for someone better. Never do anything to get your ex back. If the person is worthy enough for you, they wouldn’t leave you. Believe they left to do you a favor. Learn self control to resist all contacts with them. Be ice cold to protect yourself.
11. Never wait for someone. They will never value you and will be with other people. If someone doesn’t make any gesture to see you in more than a month when they can come to you, drop them. A person in love cannot stay away from you for more than 2 weeks. If they can’t be with you because they are going through some issues or they are in a different city because of their job, they will still call you regularly while tying loose ends in their life to make sure they can be with you because they don’t want to lose you. In this Facetime, Skype or Whatsapp days, no one vanishes from the person whom they deeply care. If they do, they are not contacting regularly, then they are juggling more people. You’re better off without them.
12. Never hurt someone’s feelings or waste their time by stringing them along for fun. Players never win. They are never happily married and usually don’t marry a winner. Karma always bites them in the most unimaginable way. One player I know got someone pregnant. They guy looked like a model who had money and had never dated anyone who wasn’t skinny. This woman was a big fat not so pretty woman. He married her for the sake of the kid. It turned out he wasn’t father. Since he got attached to the child, he’s the only father that the child knows. Therefore he’s stuck paying child support and alimony.
13. Every pot has a lid: You’ll find someone who’s a right fit for you without you trying too hard to fit in their life. Someone out there is made for you and that person is your whole version and not half of you. Therefore forget about soulmates or twin flames . You’ll meet that person when you are emotionally ready to make a lifetime commitment. This is why you see people go through divorces and breakups and meet their right match when they are ready. What is yours will always be yours. What you are seeking is also seeking you. Someone who’s meant to be with you will show up exactly when you are emotionally ready to appreciate them and to start a life with them. The same person could’ve passed you by before and you didn’t notice because you were with someone else or your focus on something else. Or you were with them and didn’t appreciate them.
At the very moment you are ready to be with your right match, you’ll recognize them this time. You’ll know why nothing every worked out before. You’ll remember all the wrong people you chased and all the heartbreaks and instantly forget all the pain and faces. Suddenly you’ll have new hope and dreams. Then you’ll start to think how you wasted your valuable time crying for the wrong people when you could’ve focused on building your life. In order for you to wait and meet your perfect partner, you’ll have to figure out exactly what you want. You have to build a relationship with yourself. You have to learn to enjoy your own company. The only way to know is to spend time alone about 30 mins every day on self-reflections. Write what you like and what you don’t want. The clearer you are about what you want, the better it will be when you meet the right life partner.
14. When you meet your romantic interest for the first time, the way you feel will determine if that person is your lifetime partner or just a fling. If you feel shaky and obsessed with thoughts of having sex with him/her, your heart will only be broken. That person is probably having sex with multiple people. If you feel at home or safe, that is the person for you. With this person, you are not too concerned about what he/she thinks about you but feel comfortable sharing anything about your life. That person also makes sure you are ok. This is the person who’ll be there for you when you can’t take care of yourself. What is meant for you will stay with you and you won’t have to try hardest to make it happen. It will be like Cinderella trying the shoe -a perfect fit without any extreme effort to fit the shoe.
15. On the first date, feel free to mention you’d like to get married or have children. Ask how they feel about you and if there is a second date. Don’t leave it hanging on one person. Be honest and expect an honest answer. A serious person won’t say “Let’s see where it goes.” Take control of your own heart and time. This way you won’t be wondering or waiting. On the 3rd date, ask for a clear direction as to where this is going before you get attached to that person. Emotional attachment is hard to break. Don’t get attached to someone who’s just stringing you along.
16. At the end, the only things matter that your partner is kind, respectful, supportive and faithful to you. You can marry the wealthiest or the hottest but if they are not faithful or kind to you, you’ll feel helpless and alone. If they don’t support your ambition, you can’t grow. If they are not respectful, they will be calling you names in front of others and won’t have problem cheating on you. So pick someone who makes you smile and also fights for you -someone who’ll always be there for you in a matter of second.
17. After a break up, do not contact the other person. Instead go to the gym, work hard, focus on grad school or get a new certificate. Build a sexy body. Shift your focus completely on something new except another date or relationship. You cannot date anyone for at least 6 months. You are allowed to cry, write a journal about your feelings and to figure out what went wrong. This will help you heal completely and not carry any baggage to a new relationship. You will look better and do better in life. Your confidence will grow and you will attract someone better. If you keep contacting the other person instead, you will only give them the permission to disrespect you. Have some self respect to control yourself for your own healing. If they come back to you, don’t take them back without setting some ground rules.
18. Never chase love, fame or money. People who are supposed to stay in your lifetime will stay and you don’t have to beg or convince them to stay. That doesn’t mean that you won’t nurture your relationship and mistreat them. It means you respect yourself enough not to humiliate yourself to be loved by that person. If ever find yourself begging for love, see a therapist to work on your childhood issues that is making you to go for people who don’t value you. You should also work on becoming your best version to attract someone who’s equally desirable and lovable. Also don’t chase money for happiness. Do look for a career that will make you wanna work hard without draining you. You must love your job continuously to make good money.
19. If someone texts you for more than 3 days and still doesn’t want to meet you in person, drop them. They are keeping you on the side to stay in your mind. The longer you let them, the more attached you will be. Insist on meeting on a date. Try them out face to face and move on. It’s the emotional attachment that makes someone fall in love. Therefore protect your heart from someone who sees you nothing more than a bench-warmer. Let them earn the space to be on your mind. Don’t make it easy for them to occupy your mind without a good amount of efforts from their side.
20. Understand no one completes you or can make you happy. You should not seek any relationship when you are not emotionally and financially ready to contribute. A partner should add value to your life. Forget about soulmate/twin mate concept where you meet the other half of your soul. It actually means you meet your reflection on your partner and not the incomplete version of you. If you are sad, bored and lonely, you’ll attract another sad, bored and lonely. If you can’t make yourself happy, no one else will. Take responsibility of your happiness so that you will meet another happy person. Be happy alone first to know which person is the best company for you. If you can’t add value to another person’s life, you shouldn’t date. You don’t have the right to waste someone’s valuable time because the grass is greener on the other side. Don’t date someone just for fun unless the other person wants only fun. Don’t be with the person who’s not on the same page as you. Don’t also allow yourself to be used by them. It’s ok to be happily single than be alone in a relationship.
21. Treat your romantic relationship, closest friendship and close family members like an orchid plant that requires constant caring. Choose to protect these relationships in a regular basis and never take them for granted. Be there for them without them begging you for help. Never make them feel helpless or alone. Make sure these people will jump to be there for you too and thus be extremely selective of this inner circle and build the strongest bond with them. Communicate clearly about your wants and needs with them. Never point fingers. Know their needs and wants as well. Make sure treat them with love and respect. Make sure they know you value them.
22. If you like someone, tell them. If they don’t feel the same way but want to be friends, wish them well and leave them alone. Simply say no and run for your life. Know that the universe is protecting you from a disaster. If you become friends, you’ll see them dating other people and will never see you the way you see them because you settled to be a friend to massage their ego. Never give someone any power over you or make you their option and not a priority. Ask yourself why you want someone to settle with you when you can prepare yourself to attract someone who will be equally crazy about you. Don’t seek revenge. Just accept no one is too precious for your time, cry your heart out, work on self love and self respect and focus on school and building your life.
23. Success is the best revenge! People who don’t want you will beg to be around you when you are successful. If they don’t, they won’t give you a second look. Never beg anyone to stay in your life. If they leave you, block them. Do not even think about stalking them online for your own healing and happiness. Cut off all communications. This will give you the closure to move on. You’ll know you tried and eventually find someone else who’ll make you a very happy person. If you ever run into them, act cool. Always believe that you dodged a bullet and your true love will come to you when you are ready. You have to be ready and available. People who don’t feel the same way about you will never value you. Therefore don’t waste your time on wrong people hoping they will eventually fall in love with you. They won’t. Even if they come, it will be because no one else is around to massage their ego. They will come back to you for validation and then leave you high and dry. Therefore do not take them back.
If they never come back and you waited for someone better, you’ll meet that person. Then the other person senses that you are gone and thus contacts you. By then you’ll be happily in love with someone else and would wonder why you even were so crazy about them. The reason you need to express your feelings now than 5 years or 5 months later is because you value yourself and your time. You will never get over them otherwise and think about them even when you marry someone else. You will wonder about what if every day even when you have your own family. This person will always be the one that got away and you won’t be truly happy with your spouse. Therefore put aside your shyness and ego and tell them how you feel now than regretting for the rest of your life.
24. If you are interested in someone, take them on a date where your closest friends or siblings also can go such as, a trendy restaurant. This is someone whose judgment is trusted by everyone or at least by you. Pretend as if you didn’t expect them to be there. Then introduce your date to them. The reason you need to do this step is because love is blind. What your loved one can see in your date that you can’t see because you are blinded by love or sex. The sooner they meet your object of interest is better for you to avoid a divorce because love chemistry increases those first few weeks. Therefore longer you wait, the harder it will be for you to let go. Almost all the time if they say something negative, remember it is to protect you. They don’t want you to go through heartbreak or divorce because they can tell if the person is truly compatible because they know you well. If you don’t listen to them now, you’ll remember how right they were when you are heartbroken.
25. If someone is hot and cold, sends mix messages, confuses you, gives silent treatment or ghosts, block them from your life and run the other way. Don’t waste your time analyzing them. They turn cold suddenly because they are hot to someone else. This is how they balance 5 people at the same time. They are toxic and love drama. They are also manipulative and makes you feel as they disappear because you did something wrong. They have problem with emotional intimacy and disclosure. This is why they disappear to avoid disclosure and to shut you down so that they can drag you for months or years without committing to you 100%. They do get married but it never. These people usually jump from one relationship or marriage or another.
26. If someone vanishes suddenly, they are seeing someone else. Don’t contact them. Don’t wait for them. Don’t take them back. Learn a lesson to stay away from the people who don’t respect you enough or have the spine to tell the truth to your face. Shift your focus on your own growth and self love to attract who’ll never abandon you like this.
27. The best age to get married is 27–34 or older given both are emotionally mature and financially independent. It’s actually better if you wait longer. A 36 year old is a better spouse and parent than a 26 years old. They are emotionally ready to take the marriage seriously and least likely to cheat. They are also very patient to be good partners and parents. Halle Berry gave birth to 2 healthy children at 42 and 47. What matters that parents are active and healthy. It’s easy to get pregnant in 20’s but if you don’t find the right partner, don’t settle. Things happen. It’s better to wait than go through a divorce. No one plans to marry late or be older parents. Therefore don’t judge others if they are marrying late. You can also freeze your eggs and wait for the right partner.
28. Only marry who you cannot live without. Never settle for less. That means if you are a 5, do not dream of marrying a 10 or settle for anyone less than a 4. Marry within your level. Remember someone who’s a 10 deserves to be with at least an 8. They work hard to be a 10. Also people tend to be around others who are like them physically or intellectually. When they settle, they’ll be settling way more than they originally intended at the end and will be very very unhappy.
Also settler’s power is until the wedding day. Then the settlee fights to balance the power and the settler becomes unhappy as no one there to massage his/her ego. Marriage is a lot of work that require constant validation, support and communication. A good marriage is a team work and is never about getting the upper hand over the other person. If you can’t be proud of your choice of mate, then do yourself a favor by not settling for less.
29. Sex, pregnancy or children alone cannot save a marriage. Sex based relationships never last. Never bring a child to this world unless you can give him/her a loving home. So ladies, do not trap a man with pregnancy. He will stay briefly and resent you. One day he will fall in love with his true love. Then you’ll use your child to manipulate him. This child will become emotionally messed up like you. Have some self respect and patience for the right guy to show up so that you can raise emotionally healthy children in a stable home.
30. Never sleep or flirt with a married man/woman even for fun. Karma will bite you and your spouse will cheat on you or you’ll end up with a loser. Also 99.99% of the time, a married person will not leave his/her spouse for you and you’ll never be an exception to this statistics. Even if they do, you’ll lose them the way you get them. Also never expect your sugar daddy or the friend with benefits to marry you. You got him in exchange of sex. He can always buy another girl.
31. Never date someone with a child if you don’t have a child or don’t want to take care of someone’s child as your own. Never be the step mom/dad that a child hates you. Also when you date someone with a child, you’ll never be their priority and you’ll hate their kids because of it. The kids will hate you too. Never date someone who is in the process of divorce. That person needs to heal before they should date. Otherwise if you fall in love with them, you will end up with a divorce too. Again be strong and have self-respect to be someone’s number one and do not settle to be a mistress or a boy toy.
32. You’re too young to get married or have children before 27. Remember this is not your grandparents’ generation. Now people can date 10 different people and don’t need to be in a relationship. Even married people have open relationships. Therefore marriage is harder to maintain now especially when there are too many options. If you do get married before 25 , do not get pregnant for at least 3–5 years. Focus on grad school, strong bond with spouse and career growth before you bring a child to this world. Otherwise most likely, you’ll get a divorce by 35, 40 or 45.
33. It’s the strong emotional bond with the spouse that keeps the marriage alive. The more love and respect you have for your spouse, the more emotionally healthy your children will be. The more money you make will give you a stable home for your children. These children grow up to be emotionally healthy adults and not some messed up, drama loving people.
34. Do not change jobs frequently but do stay in 1 job after you get your degree. Too many job changes will look bad on your resume. Try to work for a big company that will pay for grad school. Work there for at least 7–10 years. Specialize in 1 area. Then look for a new job for a higher pay and position. Or start your own business using your specialty. Once you start making enough money, quit your job. However never quit job when you have a family to support. You’ll be depressed and hate your life. You’ll also go through divorce. Your wife won’t be as supportive as you’d hope when bills are due.
35. Choose the passion that will make you very rich. Choose a career based on what you like but will also bring good income for you. We are told to follow our dreams but no one told us that when bills are due, life is not good. Then your mind will be worried about money and not creativity. Therefore at least work fulltime next 10 years to save enough money while pursuing your passion on the side. You’ll have the clear mind and money to pursue it.
36. If you want to start a business based on a idea and not your expertise, start now in your 20’s or before you get married. This way whatever loss you go through won’t be as costly. You can live with your parents or sleep on someone’s couch and eat junk food to work on it day and night. You don’t have to worry about supporting another human being or making time for girlfriend. No one will know if you are starving. You’ll give 100% of yourself. You’ll become your own cheerleader. You’ll learn to believe in yourself and become humble by the experience.
37. Start jogging, lifting weights and doing squats & pushups. Your body’s metabolism start slowing down from 25. It’s the exercise that will help you burn calories and stay young and look 25 when you are 35. Take a kickboxing or a dance class. You’ll make friends and also you won’t need liposuction, botox or butt filler. You also need to exercise whenever you are feeling down or lonely. You’ll feel better and not become depressed. You’ll also shift your mind to something positive. You’ll be looking good too.
38. Drink plenty of vitamin D fortified milk for your bones. Your body can absorb calcium until 30. Thus you won’t have fractured hip or knee problems when you are older. You will also get vitamin D. Many people develop vitamin D deficiency and start having many health problems in their 30’s.
39. Actively look for a right life partner while working toward building a good career. 25-27 is the right age to find someone who is still single, not damaged, not a gold digger, sugar daddy or sugar mama and age appropriate. Make it a priority to find your other half. Work on yourself to be the best partner that one can be. Only then, you’ll attract the man/woman of your dreams who has also worked on themselves.
40. Never marry someone for money or beauty but do for character. A person with good morale or character will never cheat on you and will be good to you. Don’t confuse a good person with a religious person. Many unethical people are religious people and many atheists are genuinely good people. However if you are religious, you should not marry a less religious person as you’ll be busy preaching them. Also marry within your own level. For example, if you or people in your inner life didn’t go for a professional degree, you shouldn’t target a doctor or a lawyer with sexual manipulation no matter how beautiful you are. These men have studied hard all their lives unlike you and are surrounded by intelligent people. They will never take your advice seriously as they think you’re dumb and lazy. They married you for good sex and to have children. Eventually he’ll start to have mistresses because you won’t be having sex with him or he will know he can buy women because he married someone beautiful like you.
Money may give you financial freedom but you won’t be happy. You’ll resent your spouse and start to look much older than your age. You will also avoid spending time at home and leave children to be watched by nannies when you are not even working. You’ll be shopping all day instead of spending quality time with your own children. You’ll look more and more unhappy and less beautiful. No amount of plastic surgery will make you look better even you spend fortune on it. Your children will grow up to be emotionally messed up and you won’t understand why they are so disrespectful to you. It’s the genuine love for your husband that helps raise emotionally healthy children. In other words, your greed will create generations of messed up children and psychopaths.
41. Don’t waste your time on bad dates or wrong relationship after 25. Be picky about who deserves your time and access to your life. Know what you want in a relationship and date only people with these criteria. It’s good to be happily single than be in a toxic relationship.
42. If someone gives you attention only when they think you are moving on, do not reply to their messages or phone calls. These people have no intention to be with you and they don’t want you to be happy with someone else either. These narcissistic people who act nice and kind until they trap you. They will isolate you from your emotional support system by saying your friends or even family don’t much care about you. It’ll be like slow poisoning. Then once you are alone, he will emotionally abuse you to break you down to pieces. They get sick pleasure by knowing you are struggling and suffering. Be cognizant when someone seems too good to be true. Listen to your friends to walk away from these people. Don’t seek revenge but leave them alone. Karma will catch up to them and will do a better job. Just go cold turkey on them as if you never met them.
43. Healthy relationships are built on chemistry, respect, transparency and trust. You’ll need passion and friendship. Chemistry is what makes you feel comfortable with someone. You have that with your best friends and some people. When you add physical attraction to it, you have the right chemistry for a romantic partner. You cannot build the chemistry with just anyone and it is always instant and mutual. The same way not everyone is your friend. You don’t have to fight for that person to be with you. This is why you see people leave their marriage and children suddenly to be with someone who share the same chemistry.
If you believe in chemistry, then you won’t be wasting your time pining over someone who doesn’t feel anything special toward you. Learn to value and love yourself enough not to waste your time on wrong people. Just wait while building yourself and your career. The right person with the right chemistry will show up when you are truly ready and you’ll know the wait was worth it.
44. A good relationship is the same as the best friendship. You’re an average of 5 people around you. Your friends are your own reflection. Your spouse should be someone similar as well and not opposite. If you are ambitious and driven, your spouse should be ambitious or driven. Many divorces happened when one person saw the other has lazy and complacent with the minimum. True love is best friendship plus great sex. Both are the most comfortable with each other whether sharing deepest secrets or just being naked in front of the other because they know they won’t be judged and get full support. There are boundaries and expectations and both are working together like a team. It’s never one person carrying all the loads.
Never enter a relationship thinking you’ll change the other person. The only person who’ll end up compromising is you. Find someone who’s more like you than exact opposite -someone who loves to talk to you and share similar values. If you’re neat freak, do not even try to be in a serious relationship with a slob. You’ll be the one who’ll be cleaning for the rest of your life. If you are an outdoor person, pick someone who likes outdoors too. If you are a vegan, do not date a meat lover. If you are ambitious and the other person is not, you’ll be having affairs with your ambitious colleague someday. It’s the similarities, similar habits and goals that maintain a good marriage.
45. If you ever feel strongly attracted to someone and instantly attached, run the other way. It won’t work. You’ll go crazy but most likely the other person will be too busy for you’ll wonder about yourself because of this unrequited love. Before you start dreaming, make an appointment with a psychologist to explore your childhood issues. If you do, you’ll avoid a major heartbreak because the person is not capable of what you never got.
Your parents were too busy to be loving and attentive toward you. You were neglected. This is why you keep going for unavailable people and found yourself in a vicious cycle of unrequited love. The only solution is stop dating and seeing a therapist to heal yourself first. Learn to love yourself. Put yourself first. Always remember no one is too good for you that you will have to fight for them to be with you. Never beg anyone to be in your life. It should be mutual efforts based on give and take. If one person is doing everything and giving to the relationship all the time or mostly, then stop and walk away to evaluate. You will need to consciously unlearn all patterns.
46. Never date a coworker unless you plan to marry them. Date secretly. No one needs to know until you are about to be married. If you break up, you will have to see them all the time. it will be hard to move on. Try to keep it platonic and professional unless the person is your soulmate.
47. Learn who you are for a happy you. If you don’t, you’ll waste your time on wrong people. Spend about an hour alone thinking about yourself, your hopes and dreams, favorite place, favorite food, life and goals. Know what makes you laugh or happy. Know what gives you pain. When you know who you are and what you don’t want, you’ll not attract people who’ll give you drama or pain. If you don’t do it now, you’ll be doing when you are 35 or 45 after wasting years in one or two failed marriages.
A quarter-life crisis is manageable, less depressing, less painful, less heart-breaking and less damaging than a mid-life crisis. You can always rebuild your life in your 20’s and early 30’s when you are still single and the only person you need to worry about is yourself. Also learn about yourself to be able to pick the right spouse for you. Divorces happen because people got married for the sake of being married and had no idea what they wanted in a partner. You can only know what you want when you know who you are and what makes you happy. When you know what you want and who you are, love will find you.
48. Choose friends wisely. There will be a time when one true friend will be worth more than 40 acquaintances. Invest on those few true friends. “Friendship isn’t about whom you have known the longest… It’s about who came, and never left your side.” Thus make sure you don’t waste time on wrong friends but do choose do test your friends every now and then to prove their loyalty to you.
49. Build better relationships with your parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins. One day you’ll have no friends but only family members around you.
50. Never lend money to friends but do help a friend in need financially and never pressure them to pay you back. If they do pay back, thank them but if they don’t, forget about it. Do not make them feel bad about it. Do not act as if you are better than them because you are in a position to help. See your help as a gift instead. When you adopt this attitude of giving without expecting any return, you’ll either get a big promotion, a new job or a new client with the income that will be multiple times of the money you gave away with no hesitation to someone in need. This is how the universe pays back for good deeds that came from the heart.
51. Don’t waste your money on expensive items to show off. Put the money on a retirement account, savings and for rainy days. If you want to show off, you’ll attract wrong people who will leave you when you need help. When you need help, no one will come to rescue you. They will treat you poorly. It’ll affect your self-esteem. You’ll be depressed because you rescued others. You’ll need to rescue yourself. People who you rescued will vanish from your life first. Therefore save as much as you can so that you’ll never have to ask for help.
52. Focus on financial independence. Pay off all debts. Live debt free. Don’t lease a car but buy it. It will be an asset. Only debt you should be having are payments for your car and your house’s mortgage. Make an arrangement with your bank to auto-transfer 10% of every deposit to a savings account and never touch that savings account. One day you’ll thank yourself for all the money you’ve saved.
53. Use credit cards only if you know you can pay back in full. This way your credit will be good. You’ll need to use credit cards to have a good credit. Still don’t spend money to show off with the money that you don’t have. Live within means to have a better 30’s and 40’s.
54. Get a second job if you are not in school. You have the energy to work. This way you’ll have enough money before you can settle down to have a comfortable life for your own family. You’ll also have the energy to work 2 jobs that you won’t have after mid 30’s. Work as much as you can now to save as much as you can.
55. Travel alone now before you settle down. This will give you the confidence to be alone. When you know you can be alone, you’ll choose the partner for his/her company only which will contribute to a successful marriage. This will also teach you how to survive in a new place. You’ll learn about places, people, cultures and food. Then your life and mind won’t be limited and be free from judgment and bigotry. You won’t judge anyone again in your life. And you’ll teach your kids to be kind and accepting too.